Saturday, February 26, 2005

takot at kabado

I was scared. I thought I lost my-just-finished-to-be passed-tomorrow module to the virus that hit my PC. I should never ever again trust diskettes from the office. But I should also learn my lesson to scan the disks I use.

At last, I am through with the module. I just hope that our EDUC9 professor will like it. I must be prepared for the micro-teaching in EDUC 4. I am scheduled on the 5th of March. And of course, the portfolio for EDUC 4 too. God! I have to finish the reflection paper for that.


Tonton likes Tot. Whenever I am home, he will always ask me to call Tot's house so they can talk over the phone. Just early this evening, Tot called me on the phone but I missed it. Tonton was in our house so he talked with Tot. You know what he did? He sang to Tot... His classic Happy Birthday song, and the Let-the-Love-begin and Wag-na-wag-mong- Sasabihin Medley. He knows Tot's name, too. He often asks me "Tot," and I have to explain to him that Tot is working so they cannot play together. By the way, he is will be two this March 9.


Thanks heaven, my dear foster son is okay now. He didn't go to school last week because he's sick, tonsilities and over fatigue. I rushed home from the office last Thursday because my mother called me to be home early. So instead of enjoying the night with my officemates, I was home and attending to his needs. My mother told me that he was crying that morning and calling out my name. He asked my mother to give me, anyway. He's extra sweet when he's sick. I hope he stays the same when he is sound and healthy.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

i have to run faster...

time is running out and i have to run faster to reach the finish line... i have so much to do... work projects to complete, web formats to design, flowchart to draft, a learning module to design, a lesson plan to practice, a micro-teaching to look forward to.. but darn it! i felt so tired and sluggish to finish them all... minsan naiiyak na lang ako kung paano ko sila tatapusin... kailan kaya mangyayari na hindi ako mag-cram sa mga dapat kong gawin... nakakapagod na rin ang mag-cram.. ang umasa na matatapos ko silang lahat in due time... ala lang... naiinis lang ako sa sarili ko... wait, tapusin ko lang ang sideline ko...

..if i could..

i'll take away the fear you have
heal the wound in your heart
erase the frown on your face


let me hold your hands
trace your wet cheeks
kiss your widow's peak
i'll wrap you in my arms


close your eyes
rest your heart


hug me tight

believe me

everything will be fine
just like in the past,
this too shall pass

Thursday, February 17, 2005

..the night that was...

8:00 am… sakay ako ng dyip papasok sa work… nagbayad ako sa drayber... sus! napansin ko na unti-unti na palang nabubura ang nail polish ko… kailan ba akong huling nagpa-nail polish? hhhmmm.. tagal na rin pala... ang sagwang tignan.. habang nasa byahe.. kut-kot ako nang kut-kot para mabura na siyang tuluyan... pero mas masagwa pala kasi hindi naman matanggal nang husto.. kailangan ata talaga ng acetone at bulak para matanggal.. sus! saan naman ako kukuha ng mga iyon eh nasa pampasaherong dyip kaya ako... kung bakit ba naman kasi hindi ko agad napansin na nabubura na pala ang nail polish ko... ngayong napansin ko na, too late naman na....

napansin ko ang babae sa aking tapat.. nakatingin sa akin... siguro nasa isip niya na "sana nakita mo yan bago ka lumabas ng bahay para naayos mo na agad bago pa man din maging ganyan..." yung mama na katabi ko, nakatitig din sa mga daliri ko, siguro sabi niya, "alam mo na naman na magkakaganyan yang nail polish mo, pero bakit hindi mo inagapan?"

parang ganyan din sa buhay natin.. may mga pangyayari na alam na nating magaganap pero nagbale-wala tayo. lagi nating iniisip na we are in control and we know what we are doing... pero laging huli na kung ma-realize natin na we are on the edge and losing our control... hindi na natin naaagapan kasi nga sobra tayong tiwala sa sarili natin eh... tiwala tayo na sobrang galing ng nail polish natin at aabutin pa ng taon bago ito mabura... pero hindi pala...

i had my nails done last night by my suking manikurista. siya lang ang nakasundo ng mga kuko ko kaya sa kanya lang ako lagi nagpapa-manicure. rarely i have my appointment with her on weekends since i usually spend my sundays for other things i have to do if i do not have to go to Tot's house. she lives a few houses away and i am glad she patiently waits for me at night whenever i ask her to make my nails.

last night before the manicure session, i passed by this new parlor on my way home. i had to have a hot oil treatment. i felt sad for my hair and i guess it needed more TLC. because of my sked, it is usually a wash-and-wear type of hair though it is considerably long. i entered the parlor at around 6 pm.. there are lots of customers... when i stepped out of it, it is exactly 7:45. huh! more than an hour of hot oil treatment.. hehehe.. hindi naman ganoon ka-damaged ang aking hair... they attended to me right away but the steaming machine was not yet available so i had to wait for my turn. well that was a consolation for me since i was able to nap for more than an hour while having my hair pampered....

i was thinking last night if the guy giving me some pleasure (by treating my hair) was gay or straight one or straight-acting one... he looked so straight to me... anyway, but looks are deceiving.... nope, i do not like him.... na-puzzled lang ako...

Lord, I pray that You help me with my module... I am totally at lost and dunno where to start...

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

bloody valentine's

The other night, the Philippines graced the lifestyle section for the success of the Lovapalooza 2. I think it broke the recond set for last year's event. A pre-Valentine ceebration, thousands of couples participated in. Ironically, on the exact date of St. Valentine, blood colored the world with the bombing attacks happened in different areas. Many people were wounded. Many people died.

Excuse my words, pero sa mga gumawa nito,ang sarap ninyong talupan ng balat at pigaan ng calamansi. HMP!


walang lasa ang kinakain kong oatmeal... waaaaa... walang asukal... walang gatas... walang lasa.. walang wenta ang nagluto.. ako pala iyon...:-)

ang hirap talaga mag-diet... huhuhuhu....

Monday, February 14, 2005

.....weddings and guilt....

Last Saturday’s schedule to host a wedding didn't push through. I didn't go to the wedding. It was unfair, I know. Perhaps, they expected me to be there. Or maybe they didn’t care at all. Well it pushed through even without my presence, and I am sure about.

A couple of years ago, a younger friend asked to help her out with her wedding planning. Since her older sisters were not here in the country, the ate in me extended my best help to her for free. From planning and research for her gown, invitation, give-aways, and make up, I saw her through. I even transported the flowers needed on her wedding from Manila to their province in the wee hour of night. It was all worth. I saw how happy she was. And many were stunned with her wedding. I was glad everything turned out right.

I was supposed to have my own wedding four years ago. I dreamt of a perfect wedding for me. But nothing materialized. I got scared; not because of the responsibilities that go with it afterwards. But I was scared to spend the rest of my life with that person. He scared me away. He had so many plans for us. He decided already where we would be staying, what we would do with our money, how many children we will have. It was all his decisions. He never cared to consult me. He loved me so much that he scared me away. During those times, I was not sure if I really love him. I got confused and frightened at the same time.

I backed out. I told him I could not marry him. I know no apologies or explanations can ease the pain and humiliation I caused him. I had to be honest with him and with myself. My life was at stake then. My parents pitied me so much that they had to protect me. I hid myself away from that guy. It came to the point where I had to tell him I married another guy so he would stop pestering me.

Those were the years. Things are a lot different now. That guy is already married. A year after I backed out from his wedding plans, he called my mother to let me know that he married a girl from his place. I was relieved. The guilty me was relieved to know that he is now happy and at peace; and I freed myself from guilt of leaving him and running away fromhis promises.

Now I am no longer scared to spend the rest of my life with this very special person. But who knows if the universe will really conspire with us. I am only hoping for the best but the pragmatic me will be satisfied with what I have on hand. With God's guidance, in His time, this promise ring I wear might be doubled with an engagement ring or an eternity ring soon.... but only Him could tell....

Currently reading the five people you meet in heaven

Thursday, February 10, 2005


naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...


pansin ko na medyo napapadalas ang pag-update ko ng blog ko. napapansin tuloy na hindi ako busy. hehehe...wala lang..lately kasi bigla na lang ako nagigising sa madaliang araw. wala namang ibang magawa at makausap. tamad naman akong mag-chat. so eto na lang ang ginagawa ko. dapat ata ang gawin ko at pagkaabalahan eh ang mga school requirements ko. oo nga, pero ala pa akong gana eh... would you believe that even while doing other things, i am starting to compose what i will do with my school requirements? yung module...di ko pa rin tapos.. yung mga reflection paper, di ko pa rin tapos.. pero yung detailed lesson plan ko, tapos ko na... gusto ko nang matapos...hehehe

Tuesday, February 8, 2005

Knocked out!

Yes, I was totally knocked out last night. I came home around six in the evening and as soon as I laid my head on the pillow, the next moment I opened my eyes was around three to have a warm bath. I am usually uncomfortable hitting the sack with refreshing myself. But last night, I never cared at all. I just wanted to have a good rest.

Whew! I was totally peeved with my menstrual cramps yesterday. Unlike with previous months, the first day of my monthly flow this time was really painful. I was not sure what's the reason but it was totally different.

I remembered my first menstruation. I felt pain for two days and I was totally bedridden. So glad that it happened on a school break when I was in fifth grade so I didn't miss any classes.

After a good sleep and a warm bath, now I am back on my toes. I am craving for chocolates...


The church wedding of Cris, Tonet's youngest sis, will be on Saturday. Toni asked Alene and I to host the wedding reception. DRESS CODE: long gown!!!! OMG! I am not one of those who's comfortable with gowns... never... Tot suggested that I wear a dress, instead. whoaaaattttt..... Anything to be considered formal but not as formal as long gown. Sayang sana may swimwear competition. Pasok pa ako siguro... bwaaaaahahahaha... TOINK!!!

But I am thinking of wearing a pair of black pants, pink sleeveless tops, cover my pata tim arms with a balck shawl and of course, my ever reliable boots.... hay... I realized, I do not have any girl shoes in my rack... all boys' shoes and slippers... ang hirap!. kakahiya kay Tonet pag hindi ako sumipot eh.

Tuesday, February 1, 2005 boredom...

have u reached that point when you grew tired of the usual things you put into your mouth? the food you chewand digest to satisfy that hunger you have? for the past few days, i am having this what i will call as "food boredom." i reached this point when i feel sick of the things i eat and i have no choice but to throw it up. nope, do not get me wrong, i eat a variety of food. since the time i become semi-vegetarian because of SBD, i no longer appreciate meat as i used to.

last night, tot and i had dinner at tokyo tokyo. we had our favorite sumo pork tonkatsu. i was not as satisfied as i used to in the past. i had to convince myself that it is the same pork tonkatsu. but when i got hom, i just threw it up. eeewwww....

i am not bulimic.... let me get that straight... perhaps, SBD did a great change with my taste buds... and i guess i will look at it on a brighter side. i can lose weight, i can have a better-looking skin... i can live longer... more animal lives will be saved....

hhayyy... perhaps this is just one of those moments...


When i was looking at tot earlier while we were having dinner, a part of me wants to kiss and hug the person i am having dinner with. Tot looks nice with the new eyeglasses... I know awkward ang feeling nya dahil nagsisimula pa lang siyang magsalamin. Ika nga kung kailan sya tumanda saka pa nangailangang magsalamin.


at last with the guidance of Michz, i was able to install my new soundcard. scared and hesitant to do it first, i was able to do so... it is better to surf the net or work on my PC with a music in the background.. a lot better...