Friday, November 11, 2005

...my horoscope today...

Your long-distance friend has been out of touch with you for what seems like forever. Give it a little more time. Either you'll find a way to live with missing them or you'll get in touch at just the right moment.


I got this from my daily e-mail of horoscope. I am not much nito this but this time I guess I will believe this... hehehe.. well.... no harm i think..

today is the last day of our trainor's training. I am happy from what I gathered from our Dean regarding our performances in the training. I just hope that there was an evaluation afterwards to assess the whole training which would also establish as to whether the training would be helpful and the trainor who facilitated the training is qualified enough... i know she is but i am looking for something else based from the earlier discussions and at the same time from the objectives of the training...

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

i am hurt

as much as possible i do not want to blog whenever i am hurt especialy if a very important person in my life is the reason.

Yes, i am hurt.. devastatedly i am... few minutes ago, i cried.. no... i wept... i wept until my tears ran dry... it was not only about being hurt but being hurt by the person i love most.. i care most.. for a reason that i thought was really a matter of our hearts.. i was wrong... the silence between us which i have been broken to know the real story was because of a wrong information that some people gave to this special person...

my first question was why didn't this person ask me if it was true or not... November 9 is our second year anniversary.... two years of many mixed emotions... combination of different experiences... meeting of various moments... but we stood tall inspite of all those... for i thought trust and love can conquer all.... but i was wrong... trust is on the other side of the road and love is travelling alone on this side of the road... and understanding ang forgiveness are not joing their league..

i am writing this at this moment without any idea what would possibly happen later or hours from now or tomorrow... i do not know and i do not want to think about it...

to you.. i know you are not visiting my blog..
anyway.. Happy 2nd Anniversary....

Sunday, November 6, 2005

a new life

i am contemplating on changing how this space looks like... it has been like this for quite sometime now and change would not hurt, i guess... hehehe

so many things have been happening with my life at the moment.... some are tolerable.. some are for my professional growth.. sad that i am not working on with my personal growth too much... diet is not working and i think i grew bigger... i hate it...

it is really difficult to go on a diet and to weigh less if you are surrounded with foods around you.... and people who love to eat.... hopeless case i think...

anyway, i didn't attend the oathtaking for Professional Teachers yesterday. I haven't registered myself yet. Maybe I would do that sometime last week of the month.

Next week, our trainor's training will resume. It will be a continuation of IELTS and we will start with TOEFL and TSE. The week after next, classes resume. I am not yet aware with my schedule. Sad thing i cannot pursue my thesis this semester. I still lack the funds to enrol myself. Likewise, I am not sure yet if the subjects I want to take as my refresher are offered. I hope by next school year, I can complete my Master's degree already.

But I am thinking of starting enrolling myself into another Master's program which is in lined with my profession ( hehehe.. sabi kasi nila pag may borad exam eh the word profession should be used) which is teaching... either Language Teaching or Reading. Still undecided.

Monday, October 10, 2005

We are blessed!

After one month and 26 days, all the effort and sleepless nights paid off. Together with the more than 30, 000 out of more than 60,000 teacher-wanna-be who took the Licensure Examinations for Teachers last August 14, 2005, I saw my name listed on the last page first column of Manila Bulletin Special Edition. Whew!

I immediately sent messages to my classmates who also passed the Board Exam. Out of maybe ten or nine i texted, only 1 was aware that she passed the examination. With the rest, they are clueless. I am thankful to god for blessin us. Thank you to Saint Claire for hearing our prayers. Well, I strongly believe with the saying " Do your best and God will do the rest"

Thank you to my supportive friends, co-employees, and co-teachers.

Of course, a big thanks to my classmates who were supportive and unselfishly extended their help not only to me but to each member of our circle. To our teachers who challenged us to the limit. Of course, to the millions of teachers who inspired me to follow their footsteps.

hay.. mala-awards night ang speech ko ah.. hehehe

basta thank you.

Saturday, August 6, 2005

now it is near

one week more and i will be faces with another great battle of my life - the board exam. honestly, i am not yet prepared. i am not yet through with my review.yes, tomorrow is the last day of the review classes. we will also have our pre-board exam. i hope to pass the LET with a better rating. I want to have a high rating. actually, i was hoping to land in any of the top 20 slots. but i guess that is not feasible now. i can feel the pressure. last week, i dreamt that i topped this year's LET. i hope it will not be the other way of it in the real life.



my friends, please include me in your prayers.



i badly need it!

Saturday, June 25, 2005

..always with you....

i am taking a big leap in my life

i never expected that things will turn out this way.

i asked for a little blessing,

yet God gave me so much.

i just asked Him to guide me

so i can be stronger

i just whispered to Him to take good care of us

while time and distance is between us

i thank God for making these things

i bet He does not want to see me cry

he might have heard me crying at night

calling your name, wishing you are here beside me

hugging each oth er as what we used to

perhaps, i have to forget crying

but never will i forget about you

in every thing that comes on my way,

there is the goal

we are both aspiring

both of our ways are gearing

towards the fulfillment of our dreams

to be together

after the time and distance we have.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

i am now a teacher

it happened so fast.. i saw their ad posting at school last Sunday after my review classes.. i called their office last Monday morning.. then i came to their office to submit my resume and credentials. after the initial interview, they asked me to do demo teaching. After that, a series of interview with the academic head and dean of the college.. the same day, they accepted me...



perhaps they are really in need of a full time instructor. most of the previous applicants wanted a part time stint in the school.



my problem right now is my previous employer. they do not want me to go even i already submitted my resignation letter last May. my last day in office should have been last June 5 2005. but i extended my service due to a certain project.



i have so much to share. so many things to share with you. not only with my new life as an instructor.. oo nga pala, i am happy kasi the dean ranked me as instructor III. i skipped levels 1 and 2 considering that i do not have any teaching experience yet...



i have to keep myself busy. my baby just left the country. i have been crying.. been missing her terribly..

Thursday, June 2, 2005

at last

I am through with my PRC application. It was really tasking though lesser than I imagined after seeing the lines and crowding people in PRC compound. Good thing, our classmate/class president helped the class to do it in a lesser tasking process. Actually I got scared while my papers were being evaluated. I thought I would never be able to submit my application since there was a problem with my NSO authenticated birth certificate. The information written on the NSO security paper was beyond recognition and I was asked to request something readable from the local registry. But time is the essence. I went to the local registry office at around 2 pm. Grabe ang haba ng pila ng tao. Do I just hurried back home to get the unauthenticated copy I have been keeping since I was in college (i think). Then I went back to PRC and showed that to the person assisting us. She accepted it. I was glad she considered that copy. Later on, everything went smoothly. I paid forthe documentay stamps and application fee. Then when finally it was accetped, gusto kong magtatalon sa tuwa. Together with other three classmates who encountered some difficulties during the application process, I headed back home. Tired and hungry, I preferred to sleep.

Review classes will start this Sunday and nine sundays after that. Please pray for me. Last year only 27% of those who took the exams passed. I hope and pray that I will be included to those who will pass this year. Actually, I am eyeing to be at least in the Top 2o of board passers.

Friday, May 27, 2005

for you...

soon you will be leaving me behind to seek for greener pasture and to begin to realize your dreams... we have so many dreams.. a lot of plans... i am keeping my fingers crossed that they would never be another wishful thinkings..



since the day you told me that everything is set, i've been denying the sadness in my eyes.. i've been trying to hide the fear i have in my heart... for we are not sure what's store for us at the end of the road.



perhaps, i have been selfish because i have been keeping you. because i do not want to lose you... but this time, i do not want to be selfish anymore.. you will be in my heart as always.. you will be kept in my mind as always... go and follow your dreams.. if heaven will grace us more, we will be seeing each other again.. two years.. three years from now.. i do not know what will happen in between, at any rate, i will rely on your words.. on your promises... that one day soon.. things will be on our side...





MK!



Friday, May 20, 2005

while blog-hopping

ang tagal ko palang nawala sa sirkulasyon...while bloghopping, i read that vixen is on the family way... Michz had a problem with her lovelife... nakabalik na sa Dubai si CJ... naagawan si ate Kiwipinay ng mullet... pati na rin ang incident ni klasmate gene sa biglaan niyang pagbili niya ng damit sa SM Manila para lag makapasok sa iskul namin...



daming istorya.. daming mababasa... nice to get into thelives of different people..bukod sa obvious na tsismosa ako.. hehehe... it breaks the monotony in my life...

Sunday, May 15, 2005

sa wakas

at last the summer class is over... it went for 19 days. it was supposed to be 18 days only but we had to make up for the May 2 declared non-working holiday. experiences from the self-imposed stress and pressure? a lot.. in both subjects, i was one of those who were first assigned to do the oral presentation. as in we were assigned yesterday and we have to present it to tday. think of time constraints considering that i still have to work after classes... whew! not to mention the requirements.. the paper.. review of related literature and related studies.. plus synthesis of a four-unit course, plus a portfolio for our Measurement and Evaluation subject, mid-term and final exams, plus output of six group activities in our EDUC 7 class where we have to come up with a portfolio... grabeh talaga.. as in every day there is something you are expected to come up with. of course you ave to come prepared in the class for recitation... kakaibang experience talaga... i learned pagod in its truest sense... never akong mag-complain pag pagod na sa wok pero for the past weeks, i always complain na pagod ako sobra.. after iskul, i have to rush to work and during breaks i have to squeeze in some school works... tapos pagdating ng bahay aral na naman.. ang hirap talga pag pahirapan ang sarili... but i had fun too... my classmates are funny and jolly.. no dull moments during class.. there were new faces but gladly we glued smoothly...

Saturday, April 2, 2005

...movie marathon..

Since it is a no-more-school season, i set myself for a movie marathon this weekend... got more than ten films to watch... well they are not my fave flicks or those that I have been dying to watch.. but i just like to do some movie watching and break my routine... sometimes, and i agree, that is it healthy to do things different from your life's daily route for as long as it does not hurt you.. well movie watching would not hurt me at all, i guess....

Been doing some research how to make a handmade paper. glad that there are websites about it... saw some wedding invitations made on handmade paper and they really look great.. but handmade paper is really costly.. so i want to try how to make one..

nope, boys and girls, i am not getting married yet... just want to make some handmade paper for some wedding and birthday invitation that I'll be making. I am creating some sample designs for my portfolio... try to compile them for future reference in case there are those who would like to have their invitations made by me... Actually i already made some sample designs created from special paper you can buy in the book stores... i sent some sample designs to this lovely couple who will tie a knot this April... I hope they would choice one among my samples.. well they are on a budget and I have to make some adjustments to it... sayang nga eh... sana natapos ko agad ang mga invitations made from handmade paper para makita rin nila..

Ang tindi ng init sa Pinas!!!!!!! Summer na po!!!!!!!!!!

akala ng eldest sis ko eh nakatakas na naman ang two-year-old son niya.. mabilis kasing tumakbo palabas ng bahay ang mokong na iyon...tawag siya ng tawag sa name ni Tonton... alang sumasagot... tapos napansin niyang medyo naiwang bukas ang pinto ng ref nila.. yeah, you guessed it right.. pumasok sa loob ng ref nila ang pamangkin kong makulit.. since medyo maliit siyang bata... ayun dikit-dikit nya ang katawan niya sa loob ng ref.. pagkakita ng kapatid ko sa kanya... "Mama, gus-to ko to.. la-mig eh..." sus hindi niya nakayanan ang summer heat... nagpalamig sa ref..

kainis sukatan na naman ng school uniform this monday and tuesday.. hayyy.. i promised myself to lose more pounds para naman mas ok ang bagong uniform sa akin.. sus! di na umabot... well.. wag na sana pa madagdagan pa para hindi na kailangan pang ipa-repair.. hehehe...

Sunday, March 27, 2005

the week that was

Until now I can still feel the pain even after a two-day rest. I have pain in my hips, my thighs, down to my legs and feet. Whew! That was the result of not having a good stretching before going for a more or less eight hours of walking.

Tot and I did the Bisita Iglesia or Stations of the Cross last Thursday in observing the LEnten Season. We visited 14 churches within the ever busy but beautiful Manila. We met at around 7 am and with our list of 14 churches and a liter of water, we headed to Intramuros by a jeepney. Our original plan was to start with Manila Cathedral a the first station then San Agustin. However, there was a mass at the Manila Cathedral when we arrived. The lady marshals did not allow us to go around and look for the first station. Perhaps she thought we were just loittering around. The church was really jam-packed. I saw some people seated on the floor. So we headed to San Agustin Church to do the first station and from there, work on with the rest of the 13 churches.

We visited the following churches for the Station of the Cross.
1. San Agustin Church
2. Sta. Cruz Church
3. Quiapo Church
4. Basilica de San Sebastian
5. San Miguel Archangel within the Malacanang area
6. St . Jude also within the Malacanang area
7. San Beda Church in Mendiola
8. St. Francis de Assisi in Bustillos
9. Loreto Church, the one-step-away church (literally) from St. Francis de Assissi
10. the UST Chapel/Church
11. a church in Calamba Street
12. San Jose de Manuguit Church
13. San Roque Church in Blumentritt
14. Espiritu Santo Church in Tayuman

That was 14 churches to complere the Station of the Cross. It was the first time that I visited 14 churches. when I was younger, my sisters and I would visit seven churches and do two Stations of the Cross in every church. in all.

Tot and I might have reached as far as Our Lady of Lourdes and Santa Teresita Church in Quezon City if didn’t remember about the twin churches in Legarda area. We also did our station at the nearby kikiam and squid ball stand near St. Jude Church and Wendy’s along Dapitan for lunch.

We enjoyed the walk not only as part of our exercise regimen but more importantly as our religious obligation as a Catholic. We took the chance to spend more time with each other, bonding ‘ba?, since we were busy for the past weeks with our own things. I was busy with work because of webhost testing and with school because of final exams and requirements to submit. Tot was also busy when realtives from abroad came to visit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last Sunday, Tot and I went for a wqalk along Baywalk so we can also attend the mass in Malate Church since it was Palm Sunday. It is really a small world. The couple we saw last Sunday in that area with their cute puppy was the same couple we saw in one of the churches we visited last Thursday. One of them recognized us too when she smiled on us.

Until now i can't help but smile whenever I am reminded by these puppies we saw last Sunday. There are cute little bulldogs in Baywalk. They were jogging along with their owner and they were ahead of these two BIG pitbulls. I thought it was the pitbulls. Sabi ko kay Tot, "Grabe naman makahingal ang mga pitbulls na iyon." Then Tot corrected me, "Hindi sila yun ah.. yung mga bulldog puppies iyon." "Ha!?" I can't belived it so I observed the pitbulls anf the bulldog puppies. Hehehehe.. Sila nga... ang kyut nila sobra... I really can't imagine a how those little cute bulldog puppies can produce that hingal sound.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finally the semester is over!!! But it was really a pain in the ass before we can call it a semester. Well buti na lang i enjoyed doing this artsy-crafty portfolio where i got a perfect points. I will scan or take a picture of what I did so I can share it with you. I tried leaves painting on every page of it instead of using a plain bond paper only. Then i also used dried flowers and leaves to decorate the cover... then i used strings to hold the pages and its cover... by the way, i used the colored green as its motif since i used plants in it.

Naku, come third week of April, school time again for me. I will spend my morning at school, and the rest of the day at work. That was the arrangement my immediate superior and I agreed upon. She gave me that suggestion instead of filing a two-week leave. Better I guess.

Kaya if ever mapansin po ninyong hindi ako nakakapag-update ng aking blog kahit man lang minsan sa isang linggo, please rush to the nearby emergency room to check on me. hehehehe


HAPPY EASTER!!!

Friday, March 25, 2005

new layout

now i am settled with this new layout.. sad i cannot reconcile how you put the tagboard back... perhaps when i have a good rest, i can do that...



will tell you more about what is happening to me in the past few days next time i blog...

Friday, March 18, 2005

ikaw na naman?

nakita na kita dati. napakapamilyar mo sa akin. kelan nga ba huling tayong nagkita? hindi ko na matandaan yung saktong petsa pero tandang-tanda ko noong huli kang nagpakita.



heto ka na naman. bakit ba ganun? pilit kong iwinawaksi ka sa aking isipan pero heto't nagbabalik ka sa aking pintuan. siguro ako na rin ang sasagot sa aking tanong. nararamdaman mo na ba ng kailangan na kitang muli? ang galing naman ng iyong tenga. narinig mo ako kahit ganoon kang kalayo mula sa akin? oo nga pala, mas malakas ang pandinig ng puso mo. dinig na dinig niya ang bawat pintig ng puso ko, ng damdamin ko.. ng kaibuturan ng aking saloobin.



kilala mo naman ako di ba? kahit alam kong may iba nang sinasabi ang puso ko na kabaligtaran ng sinasabi ng utak ko o di naman kaya ay may ibinubulong ang puso ko sa isip ko, wala pa akong paki. matigas ba ulo ko? o umaasa akong magiging okay ang lahat?



teka, sigurado ka na ba sa gusto mong mangyari? gagawin mo rin ba ang ginawa mo dati? mag-isip ka muna nang makailang beses... ako rin mag-iisip.. tapos saka tayo ulit magkita. pero sana huwag naman sa lalong madaling panahon.



Monday, March 14, 2005

bakasyon na

isang linggo na lang

makakatulog na naman ako

nang mas matagal,

ma-e-enjoy ko ang weekends ko

nang husto,

may matitipid akong pera

dahil walang nang gastos pag Sabado



sa loob ng linggong ito

subsob ang ulo ko sa pag-aaral

sunog ang kilay ko sa reviews

pasmado ang mga kamay ko

sa pagtipa ng keyboard

at paghawak sa bolpen.



sana bago lumipas ang linggong ito

normal na ang koneksyon ng Internet sa aming opisina

mahirap maghabol ng trabaho lalo't natambak na lahat.



pwede bang laktawan na lang ang linggong ito?

Saturday, March 12, 2005

another sem

One more Saturday to go and another semester is done! yipeee!!!

Can I consider this semester as more productive or should I say more demanding?



Now reviewers must be prepared for the final examinations. We will be having finals in both subjects. I have this feeling that one of the professors will give witty questions... I think it is in her personality.



==========================================

I am already done with the storyline of my first novel. I hope to get it done after three months. I really want to do it... ala lang.. feel ko lang.. hehehehe....





happy weekend everyone!!!!!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

hoy much have i learned?

i didn't go to work today.. i do not feel well... well for days now i have not feeling well. this tie i really need to stay at home and have a good rest...

how can i if something has been bugging me? i feel so restless and worrisome... damn it! for how many times i have told myself to just leave it alone and set myself free from anything that has anything to do with it. but here I am.. going nuts over it..

lagi na lang bang ganun? nakakapagod na.. ayaw ko na... tama na.. hanggang dito na lang ang lahat...

Saturday, March 5, 2005

...at last...

i am through with my micro-teaching. i am so glad that it turned out so well. well i should be thankful that i adhered to my idea to change my lesson plan. what i presented earlier in the class was not the original lesson plan or topic i prepared long time ago. i had to change it last Monday. Actually, I got pissed off. For nth time, i submitted the same detailed lesson plan I prepared to my professor for her checking. and for the nth time also, she put different corrections everytime i submit it to her. It was so disheartening to see different corrections or comments every time I submit my paper to her after I implement her corrections or suggestions. kung sana eh laging bagong lesson plan ang ipinapasa ko, hindi naman eh. ang akin lang, mas maraming oras ang natipid, mas maraming panahon ang hindi nasayang kung inayos na niya ang pag-review ng detailed lesson plan nung una pa lang.... so when the last time i asked her to check my detailed lesson, since i decided to use it for my micro-reaching, i was disappointed to see that she had another correction

arrrggghhh!!!!!!! that very moment i decided to have a new lesson plan for my micro-teaching. I also decided not to submit it to her for checking. So when I got home that Saturday afternoon, I started doing my lesson plan. When I presented that lesson plan earlier before the class, I was nervous since I know for a fact that I am not sure if I prepared a good lesson plan and I was scared if I would be able to do the teaching demonstration well.

I am thankful that my ever cooperative and helpful classmates really participated during the demonstration... I did it! Well, my professor had some remarks but she said my presentation was really good. My learning objectives were well-defined and my teaching technique was good too. Haayyy... may nasabi rin siyang tama sa wakas... or was it me only?

Come March 12, I have to submit a module for EDUC9. My classmate who's doing a peer evaluation to my module said I prepared a very good module... We discussed about it after classes. I have to evaluate her module. Sorry if you think I am bragging too much about these things.. It is just that I feel better when I know that I am doing right things right.. hehehe speaking of being efficient and effective at the same time...

Aside from the module, we have to submit a portfolio in EDUC4 containing our reflection paper. Nope, not a single reflection paper but I am talking here about reflection paperssssss. one papaer for every meeting we have in the class.. can u beat that?! that portfolio is 30% of our grade in EDUC4....

So first thing first.. finish module first then continue the reflection paper....





Wednesday, March 2, 2005

...the busy bored person i am...

alam mo ba yung feeling na marami kang gagawin pero tinatamad kang kumilos para matapos na ang lahat nang gagawin mo? sus! yun po ang aking kasalukuyang status.

masahol pa sa baradong lababo ang aking utak sa kakaisip kung ano ba ang uunahin kong tapusin. mag-praktis ba para sa micro-teaching ko? i-finalize ang module ko? tapusin ang portfolio ko? ano ba talaga?

aarrgghhh.. sabayan pa ng load sa opis... waaaahhh.....

minsan o kadalasan na ba? kinatutulugan ko na lang ang pagmumuni-muni kung ano ang uunahin ko...

sa awa ng Diyos, tapos ko na ang lesson plan na gagamitin ko para sa micro-teaching ko. ngayong gabi, aayusin ko na lang yung mga gagamitin ko for Saturday. yup! sa Sabadona sya...

tapos, i-finalize ko na ang module ko. oo nga pala, dapat ko palang i-meet ang klasmate ko para makipagpalitan ng module... kailangan kasi na i-evaluate niya ang module ko. ako rin ang mag-evaluate ng module niya. pero until now, di pa kami decided kung kailan kami magpapalitan. hehehe... tapos kailangan din palang i-testing ang module na iyon sa tatlong Grade 6 pupils.... hhhmm.. sa sabado na lang yan ng gabi.

Next ko na lang pag-igihan ang paggawa ng portfolio ko. Kung bakit ba naman kasi kailangang gawan ng reflection paper kada araw na mag-meet sa subject na iyon eh.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

takot at kabado

I was scared. I thought I lost my-just-finished-to-be passed-tomorrow module to the virus that hit my PC. I should never ever again trust diskettes from the office. But I should also learn my lesson to scan the disks I use.



At last, I am through with the module. I just hope that our EDUC9 professor will like it. I must be prepared for the micro-teaching in EDUC 4. I am scheduled on the 5th of March. And of course, the portfolio for EDUC 4 too. God! I have to finish the reflection paper for that.



===========================================



Tonton likes Tot. Whenever I am home, he will always ask me to call Tot's house so they can talk over the phone. Just early this evening, Tot called me on the phone but I missed it. Tonton was in our house so he talked with Tot. You know what he did? He sang to Tot... His classic Happy Birthday song, and the Let-the-Love-begin and Wag-na-wag-mong- Sasabihin Medley. He knows Tot's name, too. He often asks me "Tot," and I have to explain to him that Tot is working so they cannot play together. By the way, he is will be two this March 9.



======================



Thanks heaven, my dear foster son is okay now. He didn't go to school last week because he's sick, tonsilities and over fatigue. I rushed home from the office last Thursday because my mother called me to be home early. So instead of enjoying the night with my officemates, I was home and attending to his needs. My mother told me that he was crying that morning and calling out my name. He asked my mother to give me, anyway. He's extra sweet when he's sick. I hope he stays the same when he is sound and healthy.



Tuesday, February 22, 2005

i have to run faster...

time is running out and i have to run faster to reach the finish line... i have so much to do... work projects to complete, web formats to design, flowchart to draft, a learning module to design, a lesson plan to practice, a micro-teaching to look forward to.. but darn it! i felt so tired and sluggish to finish them all... minsan naiiyak na lang ako kung paano ko sila tatapusin... kailan kaya mangyayari na hindi ako mag-cram sa mga dapat kong gawin... nakakapagod na rin ang mag-cram.. ang umasa na matatapos ko silang lahat in due time... ala lang... naiinis lang ako sa sarili ko... wait, tapusin ko lang ang sideline ko...

..if i could..

i'll take away the fear you have
heal the wound in your heart
erase the frown on your face

instead

let me hold your hands
trace your wet cheeks
kiss your widow's peak
i'll wrap you in my arms

please

close your eyes
rest your heart

and

hug me tight

believe me

everything will be fine
just like in the past,
this too shall pass

Thursday, February 17, 2005

..the night that was...

8:00 am… sakay ako ng dyip papasok sa work… nagbayad ako sa drayber... sus! napansin ko na unti-unti na palang nabubura ang nail polish ko… kailan ba akong huling nagpa-nail polish? hhhmmm.. tagal na rin pala... ang sagwang tignan.. habang nasa byahe.. kut-kot ako nang kut-kot para mabura na siyang tuluyan... pero mas masagwa pala kasi hindi naman matanggal nang husto.. kailangan ata talaga ng acetone at bulak para matanggal.. sus! saan naman ako kukuha ng mga iyon eh nasa pampasaherong dyip kaya ako... kung bakit ba naman kasi hindi ko agad napansin na nabubura na pala ang nail polish ko... ngayong napansin ko na, too late naman na....

napansin ko ang babae sa aking tapat.. nakatingin sa akin... siguro nasa isip niya na "sana nakita mo yan bago ka lumabas ng bahay para naayos mo na agad bago pa man din maging ganyan..." yung mama na katabi ko, nakatitig din sa mga daliri ko, siguro sabi niya, "alam mo na naman na magkakaganyan yang nail polish mo, pero bakit hindi mo inagapan?"

parang ganyan din sa buhay natin.. may mga pangyayari na alam na nating magaganap pero nagbale-wala tayo. lagi nating iniisip na we are in control and we know what we are doing... pero laging huli na kung ma-realize natin na we are on the edge and losing our control... hindi na natin naaagapan kasi nga sobra tayong tiwala sa sarili natin eh... tiwala tayo na sobrang galing ng nail polish natin at aabutin pa ng taon bago ito mabura... pero hindi pala...

================================
i had my nails done last night by my suking manikurista. siya lang ang nakasundo ng mga kuko ko kaya sa kanya lang ako lagi nagpapa-manicure. rarely i have my appointment with her on weekends since i usually spend my sundays for other things i have to do if i do not have to go to Tot's house. she lives a few houses away and i am glad she patiently waits for me at night whenever i ask her to make my nails.

last night before the manicure session, i passed by this new parlor on my way home. i had to have a hot oil treatment. i felt sad for my hair and i guess it needed more TLC. because of my sked, it is usually a wash-and-wear type of hair though it is considerably long. i entered the parlor at around 6 pm.. there are lots of customers... when i stepped out of it, it is exactly 7:45. huh! more than an hour of hot oil treatment.. hehehe.. hindi naman ganoon ka-damaged ang aking hair... they attended to me right away but the steaming machine was not yet available so i had to wait for my turn. well that was a consolation for me since i was able to nap for more than an hour while having my hair pampered....

i was thinking last night if the guy giving me some pleasure (by treating my hair) was gay or straight one or straight-acting one... he looked so straight to me... anyway, but looks are deceiving.... nope, i do not like him.... na-puzzled lang ako...
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Lord, I pray that You help me with my module... I am totally at lost and dunno where to start...


Tuesday, February 15, 2005

bloody valentine's

The other night, the Philippines graced the lifestyle section for the success of the Lovapalooza 2. I think it broke the recond set for last year's event. A pre-Valentine ceebration, thousands of couples participated in. Ironically, on the exact date of St. Valentine, blood colored the world with the bombing attacks happened in different areas. Many people were wounded. Many people died.

Excuse my words, pero sa mga gumawa nito,ang sarap ninyong talupan ng balat at pigaan ng calamansi. HMP!

~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~

walang lasa ang kinakain kong oatmeal... waaaaa... walang asukal... walang gatas... walang lasa.. walang wenta ang nagluto.. ako pala iyon...:-)

ang hirap talaga mag-diet... huhuhuhu....

Monday, February 14, 2005

.....weddings and guilt....

Last Saturday’s schedule to host a wedding didn't push through. I didn't go to the wedding. It was unfair, I know. Perhaps, they expected me to be there. Or maybe they didn’t care at all. Well it pushed through even without my presence, and I am sure about.

A couple of years ago, a younger friend asked to help her out with her wedding planning. Since her older sisters were not here in the country, the ate in me extended my best help to her for free. From planning and research for her gown, invitation, give-aways, and make up, I saw her through. I even transported the flowers needed on her wedding from Manila to their province in the wee hour of night. It was all worth. I saw how happy she was. And many were stunned with her wedding. I was glad everything turned out right.

I was supposed to have my own wedding four years ago. I dreamt of a perfect wedding for me. But nothing materialized. I got scared; not because of the responsibilities that go with it afterwards. But I was scared to spend the rest of my life with that person. He scared me away. He had so many plans for us. He decided already where we would be staying, what we would do with our money, how many children we will have. It was all his decisions. He never cared to consult me. He loved me so much that he scared me away. During those times, I was not sure if I really love him. I got confused and frightened at the same time.

I backed out. I told him I could not marry him. I know no apologies or explanations can ease the pain and humiliation I caused him. I had to be honest with him and with myself. My life was at stake then. My parents pitied me so much that they had to protect me. I hid myself away from that guy. It came to the point where I had to tell him I married another guy so he would stop pestering me.

Those were the years. Things are a lot different now. That guy is already married. A year after I backed out from his wedding plans, he called my mother to let me know that he married a girl from his place. I was relieved. The guilty me was relieved to know that he is now happy and at peace; and I freed myself from guilt of leaving him and running away fromhis promises.

Now I am no longer scared to spend the rest of my life with this very special person. But who knows if the universe will really conspire with us. I am only hoping for the best but the pragmatic me will be satisfied with what I have on hand. With God's guidance, in His time, this promise ring I wear might be doubled with an engagement ring or an eternity ring soon.... but only Him could tell....



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Currently reading the five people you meet in heaven

Thursday, February 10, 2005

ggggggrrrrrrrrrr...

naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...naiinis ako..naiinis ako..naiinis ako...



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pansin ko na medyo napapadalas ang pag-update ko ng blog ko. napapansin tuloy na hindi ako busy. hehehe...wala lang..lately kasi bigla na lang ako nagigising sa madaliang araw. wala namang ibang magawa at makausap. tamad naman akong mag-chat. so eto na lang ang ginagawa ko. dapat ata ang gawin ko at pagkaabalahan eh ang mga school requirements ko. oo nga, pero ala pa akong gana eh... would you believe that even while doing other things, i am starting to compose what i will do with my school requirements? yung module...di ko pa rin tapos.. yung mga reflection paper, di ko pa rin tapos.. pero yung detailed lesson plan ko, tapos ko na... gusto ko nang matapos...hehehe

Tuesday, February 8, 2005

Knocked out!

Yes, I was totally knocked out last night. I came home around six in the evening and as soon as I laid my head on the pillow, the next moment I opened my eyes was around three to have a warm bath. I am usually uncomfortable hitting the sack with refreshing myself. But last night, I never cared at all. I just wanted to have a good rest.



Whew! I was totally peeved with my menstrual cramps yesterday. Unlike with previous months, the first day of my monthly flow this time was really painful. I was not sure what's the reason but it was totally different.

I remembered my first menstruation. I felt pain for two days and I was totally bedridden. So glad that it happened on a school break when I was in fifth grade so I didn't miss any classes.



After a good sleep and a warm bath, now I am back on my toes. I am craving for chocolates...




======================================================================



The church wedding of Cris, Tonet's youngest sis, will be on Saturday. Toni asked Alene and I to host the wedding reception. DRESS CODE: long gown!!!! OMG! I am not one of those who's comfortable with gowns... never... Tot suggested that I wear a dress, instead. whoaaaattttt..... Anything to be considered formal but not as formal as long gown. Sayang sana may swimwear competition. Pasok pa ako siguro... bwaaaaahahahaha... TOINK!!!



But I am thinking of wearing a pair of black pants, pink sleeveless tops, cover my pata tim arms with a balck shawl and of course, my ever reliable boots.... hay... I realized, I do not have any girl shoes in my rack... all boys' shoes and slippers... ang hirap!. kakahiya kay Tonet pag hindi ako sumipot eh.









Tuesday, February 1, 2005

...food boredom...

have u reached that point when you grew tired of the usual things you put into your mouth? the food you chewand digest to satisfy that hunger you have? for the past few days, i am having this what i will call as "food boredom." i reached this point when i feel sick of the things i eat and i have no choice but to throw it up. nope, do not get me wrong, i eat a variety of food. since the time i become semi-vegetarian because of SBD, i no longer appreciate meat as i used to.



last night, tot and i had dinner at tokyo tokyo. we had our favorite sumo pork tonkatsu. i was not as satisfied as i used to in the past. i had to convince myself that it is the same pork tonkatsu. but when i got hom, i just threw it up. eeewwww....



i am not bulimic.... let me get that straight... perhaps, SBD did a great change with my taste buds... and i guess i will look at it on a brighter side. i can lose weight, i can have a better-looking skin... i can live longer... more animal lives will be saved....



hhayyy... perhaps this is just one of those moments...



~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-

When i was looking at tot earlier while we were having dinner, a part of me wants to kiss and hug the person i am having dinner with. Tot looks nice with the new eyeglasses... I know awkward ang feeling nya dahil nagsisimula pa lang siyang magsalamin. Ika nga kung kailan sya tumanda saka pa nangailangang magsalamin.

~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~~o-o~



at last with the guidance of Michz, i was able to install my new soundcard. scared and hesitant to do it first, i was able to do so... it is better to surf the net or work on my PC with a music in the background.. a lot better...



Sunday, January 30, 2005

of paints and color

My sister will be moving to their new house sometime this month. Though they are not allowed yet to do renovation since she is much preggy, she is already asking me to do the painting job.. Yup! You read it right, to do the painting... the walls, the ceilings, not the floor. Actually, I started getting offers from other people to do the painting of their house (interior) after they saw what I did to our sala and kitchen. I did the color mixing and the actual painting. I will show you a pic of it next time.



Of course, her dear ate said Yes.. I hope to learn to say No in the future. Painting chores are tasking and dangerous to my Pinoy nose. It took me three weeks to complete the painting since I had to stop when I needed to go to Cebu to attend a seminar for four days. Then the chores had to compete with school and work and lovelife. hehehe......



But gladly it turned out fine. I am really happy about it. My next assignment will be my room then the rooms upstairs (third floor). As early as now, I am thinking of better color combination. I liking mixing colors. I have been doing it since college whenever we have to do some stage shows. I preferred to work off stage..



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Currently busy with coloring books

Friday, January 28, 2005

bibili na ako ng hearing aid...

Hindi ko alam kung bakit may pagkabingi ako lalo na sa telepono. Wala akong magagawa kundi pakiusapan ang kausap ko na lakasan ang boses niya o dili kaya ay ulitin ang kanyang sinabi. Kadalasan tuloy pinagtatawanan ako ni Tot dahil bingi ako. Aminado naman ako eh. I don't know what went wrong with my hearing.... Naglilinis naman ako ng tenga ko ah... hehehehe...



I am not in my uniform today. I just don't feel like being one with the rest today. Aside from the fact that I do not like today uniform because of its color, fabric and style, I do not feel to properly dress up. Can it be considered a Friday sickness? Perhaps, a form of it...



Now it is confirmed, younger sis' 2nd child is a girl...YIPEEE!!!!! After four nephews, I would love to buy those cute little pink dress for our little Aloudia. We would be glad to welcome her in this world come May... I am so excited... mas masarap kasi bihisan ang batang babae eh... alam mo yun..ang daming cute na damit.. yung mga colorful na kikay clothes plus those accessories... hehehe... basta i am excited



currently reading: Eleven Minutes



Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Monday, January 24, 2005

what's with me this 2005?

after reading scout's blog, i realized that i haven't made any new year's resolution for 2005. a new year's resolution? not really... i just realized that i do not have any plans to pursue this year yet... i guess it is being normal to have one at least. and at least to encourage me to attain a goal whether it is "big-time" or not...



WHAT DO I WANT TO DO THIS 2005?

  • Learn how to play the guitar. At least memorize one or two songs...
  • Finish all units required for a teaching program certificate. Board exam is scheduled this August and I am eager to take and pass it then pursue Special Education Teaching Certificate
  • Read more books/e-books. I am done with four Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, Digital Fortress, The Deception Point (e-books). I am starting with Tuesdays with Morrie (e-book). I still have to finish Coehlo's Eleven Minutes (hardcopy). I am now reading Last Wish (Betty Rollin)
  • Finish my pending cross stitch patterns. I still have three to finish - two dolphin patterns and a rabbit pattern.
  • Paint my room. Perhaps this summer. but actually this is least of my concern unless there is a helpful soul who will volunteer to paint my room for free.. Let me see those hands, please
  • Study, whether in a training center or through tutorial, some computer troubleshooting. I badly need this one... I have my soundcard already but I do not know how to install the hardware.
  • Focus more on my writing. I have so many ideas but i find no time to put them on a paper or perhaps on this space. So when in the future, Mark of Bembang.com asked for a piece, I have lots to contribute... hehehe....
  • Get serious with SBD. Be disciplined enough to succeed with my own version of southbeach diet... i badly need to lose more weight!!!!!!!!!
  • Get debt-free! Oh yeah, this is difficult to do. But at least to be able to manage my finances and settle my financial obligations is a big feather on my cap. Anyway, I am glad that slowly I have been attending into this... ika nga eh paunti-unti)
  • Buy a new polish. AND THAT IS TONIGHT!!!

Sunday, January 23, 2005

...at last....

For sometime now, you have been reading so much about my heart condition.. nope, not a sort of a cardiac arrest.. lolz... but my breaking heart... with that i have been missing to share with you the other aspects of my life... Well i almost forgot that I am also a living person not only a loving person... i think, i breathe not only to love and care for this person, but also to connect with other people who might be more interested to know other things about my life other than my so-called-lovelife...



At last, I am through with my assigned reports in my two subjects for this semester. Yup, sabay ang schedule nila! Actually I was supposed to deliver my reports last Saturday, however my professors were too enthusiatic to be stopped from their sharing... hehehe... I came so prepared last Saturday that I was not able to focus n my review for our mid-term exam (Educ 104). Just the same, I am glad I made it....



Now I have to start attending to the final requirements of the two subjects.. a module and a portfolio plus we have to do micro-teaching individually infront of the class... hehehe.. i still do not have any topic for the module on our curriculum development subject... On the other hand, the lesson plan we prepared individually would be the same one that we are going to use for our micro-teaching... One semester more and I am done with this... oooppss.. review and board exam pa pala... sus! mahirap talaga ang mag-career shift...





Thursday, January 20, 2005

COME WHAT MAY

I remember the time when we went out and had videoke in Malate... Kinanta niya ang kantang ito. Nagulat na lang ako noong umiyak siya... Natigilan ako... I asked why, pero hindi niya sinagot... Pag-uwi namin sa kanya-kanyang bahay, nag-text ako

to ask again kung bakit siya umiyak, instead of answering me directly, nag-text siya...



Wen she luks at me

I knw d girl c tings

Nbody else cn c

ol d secrets fears inside

nd ol d emptinesI hyd

She luks n2 my soul

lyk nbody else

And she dsn't judge the bu**h

She just takes me as I am




Sa akin lang daw siya nagiging totoo.. kung anong klase siyang tao.. yung totoo niyang pagkatao na hindi niya maipakita sa iba... Alam niya na hindi ko siya huhusgahan kung ano sya dahil tanggap ko kung ano siya... Hindi ako napakabait na tao.. Hindi rin naman ako napakasalbahe... Pero i do my best na maintindihan ko ang lahat ng nangyayari... pero dumarating ang punto na palpak din ako... minsan aminado ako.. minsan matindi ang defense mechanism ko... Pero kahit ano pa siya, narito ako para sa kanya...



Come what may, she believes

And that faith is something

I've never known before

Come what may, she loves me

And that love has helped me open a door

Making me love myself a little more




Kapag magkasama kami, alam kong at ease siya. Kasi nagiging totoo siya sa sarili niya. Hindi na niya ikinukubli ang sarili niya... Sumpungin man siya, maiintindihan ko. May sarili man siyang mundo, mauunawaan ko. Siguro ganoon ako sa kanya...

Bakit? Tinatanong pa ba iyon?



When I turn away

She knows those are the times

There's nothing she can say

Nothing that anyone can do

And so she lets me live it trough

And when I'm in my darkest hours of uncertainty

She just simply lets me be

And goes right on loving me






Alam mo nasa punto ka na naguguluhan kung ano ba ang gusto mong gawin.... sabi mo nga kung alam mo lang at kung kaya mong gawin kung ano ang tama, nagawa mo na matagal na. Pero alam mo naman kung ano ang tama at kung ano ang dapat. May buhay ka na dapat harapin... yung buhay na gusto nila para sa iyo na gusto mo rin matupad para naman matulungan mo na ang mga gusto mong matulungan. Sige lang, nasa iyo ang panahon para mag-isip... Darating din naman ang araw na magkakausap tayo at mismo sa harap mo uulitin ko ang mga nasabi ko na

sa iyo dati pa.



Come what may, she believes

And that faith is something

I've never known before

Come what may, she loves me

And that love has helped me open a door

Making me love myself a little more

And when it seems my dreams

Have all slipped through my fingers

When they just can't be found

I turn around and there they are

Shining in her eyes




Ilang beses ko na ba sinabi sa iyo, narito lang ako... Ilang beses na ba tayo pumalpak? Ilang beses na rin tayo bumangon? basta narito lang ako, hindi kita ipamimigay... hindi kita ipapaagaw...

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

...Since you first believed...

It was you who first believed

In all that I was made to be

It was you looking in my eyes

You held my hand

And showed me life

And I've never been the same

Since you first believed

he made it to NYSD

01/17/2005

Name : F............ E..... N...

Address : BROOKLYN NY

Profession : PHYSICAL THERAPY

License No: 026786

Date of Licensure : 12/17/04

Additional Qualification : Not applicable in this profession

Status : REGISTERED

Registered through last day of : 11/07

====================

After hibernating for sometime, finally I saw him online... I can't remember when was the last time we exchanged new things about ourselves. We have been busy with work and school. He is getting a second degree while I am doing some post-grad stuff as a preparation for a career shift. He was my classmate in high school who turned to be my bestfriend. I am comfotable with him.



He asked me to search for his name on the Internet... I do not have any idea why he making that request... hehehe.. Eventually, he wanted to tell me that he already passed the PT state board of NY.. and his name is on the list of PT professionals in the Big Apple.. Gosh, I am so proud of him... So proud of him... For you , I wish all the best... Pero teka, di ba bago ka pumunta dyan sa US sabi mo pakakasalan mo kami ni Tonet para magkaroon din kami ng green card? hehehe.. Do not worry, may divorce naman eh.. hehehe